It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
