I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Success! We fucked roommates!
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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