M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
