We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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