guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
