i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
