Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
