i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
