fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
