Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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