You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
