It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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