i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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