Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I would ride that face into the sunset
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
