You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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