So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So here I am, sexting at work.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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