she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
