No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
