I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
