how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
