Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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