i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
