butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
