i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
