My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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