i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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