I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
