I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
