I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
