It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
