Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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