Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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