Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
