Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
