Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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