I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
