so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
