Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
