How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
