His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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