Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
