this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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