if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
