just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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