You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Randomize
