Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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