Already got asked if we're dating
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
