What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
