Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
