roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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