she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
