that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
