Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
